I don’t remember what date it was when I spotted my first grey hair strand. However, what is etched in my memory is how I realised I was greying, and being surprised by the fact that it was happening much earlier than I had anticipated. I just remember looking in the mirror and being surprised that I still had product in my hair. I had been thorough when I applied conditioner. In fact, I had fully massaged the product as instructed, and I had combed it in sections. So, to fix what I thought to be a patch of conditioner, I ran my fingers through the hair again. There was no change.

I assumed it was fluff, that had become entwined with my hair. I did think it strange as I had not laid my head on anything that had white fluff. I thought, “perhaps the brush? “I tried once more to remove this fine line of product which, mind you, did not come out. It was at this point that reality set in. This ‘fluff or product bit’ looked a lot more like a strand. It was a ‘Grey’. The FIRST GREY!! Cue in shock, followed by what was a seamless pluck!

Fast forward to a few more months after taking out my braids. Not only was a there a ‘resurrection of the strand’, but multiplication had also occurred and now there were two. Similar spot. Running to the scalp. It was simple to me, two seamless plucks! “Back to full black”, I thought as I walked off. Relief and perhaps denial coupled with a prayer against accelerated aging. So, I went about with life until the third occasion when lo and behold, more and mighty strands showed forth. Not just more greys from the root, but in different spots. This time around I stopped for a closer examination. It’s not that I didn’t like them. I was unsure what to make of them.  However, this time around I left them in.

I have thought more deeply about the significance of my greys, and why I was unsure about them. I’ve never been in denial about my age. I’ve always looked forward to getting older because I associate aging with grace, peace and many other good things. The Greys, however, were not supposed to pop up until after 40 based on my life plans and expectations. Ironic considering my life has not evolved in the manner I dreamt either!  It took some weeks for me to understand why I was uneasy about my Greys. It all had to do with timing. I used to think and hope Greys would start post 40. It’s pretty much the same reason I thought if ever I pursued a PhD (emphasis on the ‘if’), then it would also be post 40.

My sense of unease had much to do with the reality one must face when something you anticipate for a later stage of life happens soon than planned. I always thought I’d be wiser and more mature post 40. To me, 40 is the golden age and stage of free flow. The fact that they appeared years ahead of my expectation threw me off a bit because wiser and more mature is not yet a space I think I’ve quite arrived at. However, the significance of the Greys runs far deeper. To me, they symbolise the passage of time, numerous losses, gains, holistic growth and most importantly rebirth. They are prompts for deeper reflection about my time, my attention and my life. These Greys have led me to many thoughts, and I’d like to share 3 in this post. So here goes.

1. The first thought is simple. When the Greys appear sooner than expected, embrace them. Then, grey with grace.
2. The second thought is also simple. Times and seasons are not ours to determine, but we do get to determine how we live them out.

No matter how smooth, rough, rewarding or challenging it may be there is an aspect that is expedited when you accept the reality that is on offer. A reality that is often an invitation to unravel a dimension of self, others and God. It is simple and complex and what I can confidently state for now is this. From each season and time:

• Learn from it what you must.
• Cherish from it who you must.
• Let go of what you must.
• Grow from it as best you can.

This is because each time and season is only but for a time and a season. Sounds more profound when I put it like that right? Lol

3. The third thought still has me in a mix and it is this. The greatest challenge is not attainment, it is maintenance.

The older I get, the more I find myself confronted by what is a simple reality. That the challenge is not getting to the place, gaining access or attaining a level of success. The challenge is what comes after getting “there”.

Has the goal been to start a business? Rise in the ranks? Get promoted? Connect with the right people? Find the one? Get to ‘I do?’ No matter the goal, it is all achievable. But then, is it sustainable? Can your character and conduct contain, cultivate and be a custodian of what you greatly desired and laboured for once upon a season?

The more I have thought on this over the countless cups of tea I have brewed and sipped on, the more questions I’ve had. There is a burden that comes with being consistent in all that is good and right. Almost like a ‘greying good’ dilemma.

How do you live life with integrity? With sanity and humility? Without breaking the rules here and there or remaining wedded to the old because “that’s who you are” or “that’s what is normal to you”. Reflecting on my own journey, there are times when the reality of embracing my refined self has been confronting. It is confronting because it means letting go of a comforting script you hold onto as justification for aiming lower than you should, and living as an unhealed version of you.

Let’s face it, maintaining what is a commendable attribute or version of self is a lot more work., leads to greater burdens and denies us the excuses we use to hide. In essence, growing and greying is inevitable. But doing so in the right way requires Grace, demands accountability and requires transparency at petrifying dimensions on some occasions.

There’s a lot to unpack in this. I’ve gone down many rabbit holes and finally decided the Greys are serving a far greater purpose for me at this point.  So, for now, I’m letting them do their thing. Perhaps greater understanding will dawn when the Greys and their great, great, great gran-greys have all appeared. For now, I will park my thoughts here.

How’s this for an ‘I’m back to blogging’ announcement?’ It is crazy that 1 year and 9 months have gone by since I last posted. Balancing life with a thesis in tow has been a different ball game and one I’m thoroughly excited to see conclude soon.

Now that I’ve eased what has been a burning burden to blog, I can turn my attention to my Ikea-like DIY project. I take it when one greys and gains another year DIY becomes a far more exciting reality. That and Bunnings trips! A few hours off from the normal routine and I’ll return once more to thesis land because this project is now more urgent and more important, lest I grey some more from the mulling that comes with writing!

So, until next post lovelies. Yes, you can subscribe and share. Yes, you can also share your thoughts too because I am curious to know, what have been your top 2 or 3 life lessons from the last 1 year 9 months that a certain somebody has been M.I.A from blogging?